As I am constantly being told by everyone from the ‘politicians’ on the news to my own mother, this lockdown is a time for reflection. A time for us to look back on all the events that have led us here (wherever the hell ‘here’ is) and to decide whether or not, on balance, they were borne out of insightful, well thought out, smart decisions. I don’t know about you, but I personally have limited capacity for this sort of potentially disappointing introspection. As such, I have delved into a few of these dusty boxes of self-evaluation, but only far enough to have reached the conclusion that a much more valuable, less masochistic pursuit would be to look forward, not back. I know where I have fucked up in the past and where I haven’t, and I don’t particularly need endless weeks of social distancing and physical isolation to clarify this further. What I have instead been doing is asking myself where I want to land when all this begins to ebb away. Who do I want to be?
I want to be healthier, happier, stronger and, above all, clearer about what I want from the future. Obviously, there is no way to yet know how far-reaching and pervasive the impacts of this coronavirus crisis will be. All I do know is that before we were forced to isolate, I was some degree of unhappy. Unhappy with my weight, my job and the direction of my career, unhappy with some of my habits and I worried constantly about the future and all that lay before me. This period of downtime has allowed me to reframe my priorities, to take stock of what I have now, what I am capable of achieving, and has given me time to get my house in order. I have begun a regime of exercise and healthy eating that I haven’t seemed able to implement before and I am now the slimmest I have been in about three years. I have completed an advanced course in French and have vowed to speak to (fluent-speaking) Avi in only French for at least one afternoon per week. I have experimented in the kitchen and discovered an understanding of flavours that I previously doubted I posessed. I have channelled my energies into things I want to pursue, not those I felt I should. Most importantly, I have given myself the space to clearly and rationally look ahead to our future plans and have discovered that, while scary and always somewhat anxiety-inducing, the possibilities are also incredibly exciting and I should not be afraid of them.
livinglikelois 